


Between the Lines

by girlofshadows1



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Post-Avengers (2012), Redemption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22777144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlofshadows1/pseuds/girlofshadows1
Summary: After the events of New York, Loki is given a sentence similar to that of Thor's exile. Of course nothing is simple, and the repercussions are something that nobody could have predicted... not even Loki themself.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

It’s the little things that you don’t realise make your life easier until they’re gone. While probably one of the more absurd phrases that Midgard has to offer, the accuracies hidden within its simple phrasing are one of the more astounding things I have discovered during my story. Of course, while probably not the last surprise I will come across in my lifetime, it will almost certainly be one of the more memorable. As to why that has come to pass… the answer lies within a chapter of my story that was a rather unfortunate occurrence for Midgard.

It begins with a green creature throwing me around like a powerless ragdoll, followed by an arrow pointed at my head. Most would consider this precise series of events the lowest moment of my life, at least… when considering my perspective. Personally, I would testify that there have been worse moments. “If it’s all the same to you… I’ll have that drink now.” I don’t think the Avengers were overly happy with that, if the chains and the muzzle were anything to go by, I would be certain that we weren’t on speaking terms. Obviously, they had just had to defend their planet from an invasion of my doing. That could never result in good relations.

The return to Asgard occurred almost exactly as expected. I was brought before the Allfather to receive the consequences of my unjustifiable actions on Midgard. I knew that the most likely outcomes would either be execution, or to be locked away in the darkest depths of the dungeon, never to again see the light of day. The silence stretched out to the point where it seemed as though it existed solely to intimidate me. So naturally, I wasn’t intimidated in the slightest. “If I’m for the axe, then for mercy’s sake just swing it,” I said, knowing full well that this would most likely result in a virtuous monologue if I didn’t say something that would put on end to this. “It’s not that I don’t love our little talks, it just… I don’t love them.”

“Frigga is the only reason you’re still alive, and you’ll most likely never see her again.” He paused for a second. “You are to be cast out, just as Thor once was. Stripped of your magic, you will remain there until you have proven yourself worthy of the trust of those you have wronged. Until that day, if that day should ever arrive, you will remain on Midgard to live in the shadow of the destruction your actions have wrought.” I felt the comforting presence that had remained with me from the day I was born desert me, a frozen void left in its place. From there, I was quickly escorted to the Bifrost, this time travelling with its coloured lights, in contrast to the almost endless void around it.

The Bifrost dumped me unceremoniously on the roof of the remains of Stark tower. Slowly, I dragged myself to my feet before making my way to the edge of the roof. From here, one could almost see the whole of the city. What was before the invasion a bustling display of Midgardian civilisation was reduced to largely consist of ruin, fire and destruction caused by my failures. There was little time to take in the view, before the Bifrost showed itself once more, bringing with it the one person I never wanted to lay eyes on again. “Hello Brother,” he greeted politely. 

“I’m not your brother,” I snapped back. Ignoring me, he began to explain the purpose of his arrival.  
“I have been sent to ensure that no injustice is to befall you at the hands of Midgard.”  
“And exactly how do you plan on doing that?” I interjected. “Surely the Midgardians will want their own form of justice for what has transpired.”  
“Come with me,” he told me. He led me through a door at the far side of the roof and down several flights of stairs. The destination at the end was actually slightly disappointing. “I believe you’ve already met,” he told me, gesturing toward the Avengers.  
“Surely you’re joking?” I questioned.

“Why is Reindeer Games here?” Stark asked Thor.  
“He needs a place to stay.” He began to explain.  
“I don’t know if you got the memo, but a few days ago, we had to stop your crazy brother from conquering the Earth with an army of aliens.”  
“It was decided that Loki would live out his punishment on Midgard, without interference from any of your authorities. I thought it best to trust you with his safekeeping,” Thor explained.  
“Is there a complaints hotline or something, because I don’t remember signing up to babysit your evil brother.”  
“Are you sure I can’t just put an arrow between his eyes?” Hawkeye added.  
“The punishment was decided by the Allfather himself.”  
“What if he decides to try again?” Romanov asked, predictably. As their best interrogator, it was only right that she would question the viability.  
“Any attempt to conquer this planet would be doomed to fail. His magic has been taken form him and I would be surprised if he had any allies on Midgard.”  
“Fine, I’ll agree to allowing him to remain in the tower on one condition…” he paused for a moment. “At any point where he tries to cause a problem, he has to leave.”  
“Thank you.”

“Come with me,” Stark said, directing me to the elevator. “Hey JARVIS,” he said after the doors had closed and the lift went into motion. Before I could question who exactly this JARVIS was, a voice from the ceiling spoke. “How can I help you sir?” it enquired, startling me slightly, though at the time I wouldn’t have admitted it.  
“Place maximum surveillance on floor 15.”  
“Of course sir.” There was silence until the lift opened, and Stark opened the door to a room on the other side of a brightly lit corridor.

“You’ll be staying here,” he told me. “Don’t try wandering off. I’ll get JARVIS to tell you where you’re allowed to go, and he’ll alert me if you try to access anywhere without authorisation from me.” I stayed quiet until the door closed behind me, the lock making a soft click as it moved into place. The room was simple, with a light beige paint on the walls, and a white painted ceiling. At the centre of the wall on the far side was a window overlooking the street with light coloured curtains framing ti on either side. A bed was situated against the left wall, covered with light blue duvet and a slightly excessive assortment of pillows. To the right of this was a door, and I opted not to explore where it led to at that moment, instead throwing myself onto the bed. “How would you like me to address you,” the voice… JARVIS asked.  
“Loki will be fine,” I said, not wanting to claim any further name than that.  
“Would you like me to tell you where you are authorised to access?” Jarvis asked politely.  
“Yes,” I replied. The voice began to explain, and I wondered how exactly the Avengers would seek the vengeance, and whether there was anything I could do when that time inevitably comes.


	2. Chapter 2

I’m not entirely sure how long I spent staring up at that ceiling, contemplating my almost inevitable demise before an obnoxiously loud knock interrupted me. My first thought was that the one they called Hawkeye had taken the earliest possible opportunity to put an arrow between my eyes. JARVIS quickly put that train of thought to rest by informing me that the cause of the knocking was Thor. No sooner than I had walked over to the door, it flew open, missing my face by mere millimetres and crashing loudly into the doorstop.

“Brother!” he greeted, a few decibels too loud, as usual. I chose not to bother providing that with a response, although unfortunately I wasn’t granted even a single second of peace. “The Man of Iron sent me, to let you know that you’re required upstairs for dinner and I’m to escort you there and back,” he informed me.  
“Oh what fun,” I said sarcastically. “What are they serving? Pizza with a side of vengeance?”  
“I promise no harm will come to you,” he replied, reciting the beginning of a promise from our childhood.  
“Did you remember that promise when you threw me into an abyss?”  
“I know I have never been the best at keeping my promises to you, but I have always meant it. Every word,” Thor solemnly informed me.   
“Lies don’t become you Thor. You’d be better off remaining within your areas of expertise, rather than trying to delve into mine.”  
“I hope one day you’ll be able to see that was never a lie.” He turned and left through the door, expecting me to follow… which I did. Given the Avengers current guise of hospitality, it would have been unwise to give them reason to break that any sooner than necessary.

The lift doors opened and presented me with the view of the Avengers just about to begin their evening meal. “I’m glad you could join us… I was just about to send a search party after you,” Stark said by way of greeting.   
“There was no need to worry,” Thor replied, obviously not understanding the Midgardian’s joke.   
“You and Reindeer Games can sit over there,” he said, gesturing to two seats at the far side if the table, between the Black Widow and Hawkeye. Thor and I made our way over and he took the seat next to the Black Widow, which meant that I was forced to sit next to the one Avenger who hated me the most. 

No sooner than I had sat down, I felt a fist contact my face, so naturally I punched back, which resulted in a sickening crunch and Hawkeye receiving a nosebleed. He barely seemed to notice, and he stuck again, this time hitting my eye, with the swelling obscuring my vision slightly.   
“That’s enough,” Thor shouted, while the Black Widow restrained Hawkeye.  
“I should take my leave,” I suggested, making to leave.  
“That’s right! Run away you coward!” Hawkeye shouted at me.   
“Yeah, you’re not exactly going anywhere right now,” Stark said. “I gonna have to take you to the medbay,” he said. Both him and Thor directed me through various corridors and down a couple of flights of stairs to the ‘medbay’. 

“I’m sorry brother,” Thor started to say. “It was an oversight on my part and I will do my best to ensure that any thing of this kind does not happen again.”  
“It was no oversight. Simply just an example of why my remaining here is not in the best interests of anyone.”  
“Here,” Stark interrupted, handing me an icepack. “It should help with the swelling.” I took it and gently pressed it against my eye. “I’m sort of sorry about that, but then… you did kind of deserve with the whole mind control thing. That wasn’t cool.” I stared at him, hoping that his ramblings would either stop or reach a point where they became coherent. The former occurred, and I made the suggestion that I return to my room to allow the Hawkeye to receive medical attention without any further conflict. Both Stark and Thor agreed that it would be the best course of action, and the two of them escorted me back to my room. Thor returned about twenty minutes later with some food which remained on the windowsill untouched. I was just about to go to sleep when JARVIS said, “You are now authorised to access the library on the ninth floor,” he told me. I knew that the reason for this update had to, at least in part, be Thor’s doing. While I had little interest in Midgard’s literature, it would be useful to have a way of passing the time when I knew I would be forced to remain here for a very long time.

“Would I be permitted to make a visit now?” I questioned.  
“Of course,” he replied, and invited me to enter the lift. When I had reached the correct floor, JARVIS informed me that the door I was looking for was located at the end of the corridor. I opened it to find a large, brightly lit room filled with bookshelves. While nowhere near the standard of Asgard’s library, was remarkable nevertheless. Of course, at the time I had rather low expectations of anything regarding Midgard, and it wouldn’t be until much later that I regarded it in any other way.  
I perused the shelves for a while, occasionally picking up a book to read the first couple of pages before inevitably placing it back in its place on the shelf. “JARVIS, what book would you recommend?” I asked after a while.  
“I would imagine Shakespeare’s works would be something that you would enjoy. Have a look at the shelf behind you,” he told me.  
“Thank you,” I replied, before turning to find the books that JARVIS was referring to. I located a book containing Shakespeare’s complete works, before returning to my room. I seated myself on the edge of the bed, opening the book and beginning to read.


	3. Chapter 3

I opened eyes that I didn’t remember closing, and the light that was previously present had made a mysterious disappearance in favour of the pitch black now in its place. My head was against the book I had been reading, and I had a partial outline of the rectangle imprinted onto my face, not that I knew about it until a bit later. Something, which I assumed to be JARVIS, put the lights on dimly allowing me to see the room around me. “Good morning,” JARVIS said almost cheerfully, before proceeding to provide me with some random information about the weather. “May I access the library at this time?” I queried.  
“Of course,” JARVIS replied. “You may access any of the areas that I told you yesterday, although I would advise that you avoid visiting the twentieth floor for the time being.” 

I followed the same route that I took yesterday, quickly finding the library. It took a moment to find the shelf where the book I’d borrowed had come from, but it was returned to its rightful place relatively quickly. The silence of the library was comforting, and I spent hours browsing the shelves, before eventually picking up a book on some language called python, Which I later learned was a way of communicating with Midgardian devices. Noticing a small gap between the shelves near the corner of the room, I crawled into it, and sat down so I was leaning against the wall. It was probably one of my better ideas at that time, as it was imperative that I avoided stirring up too much trouble. That philosophy didn’t stick for very long, of course, and it would have been a complete surprise to anyone if it had.

I opened the first page and began to read. The library remained quiet for a few hours, until the silence was predictably interrupted by my brother. “Brother,” he said in his typically too loud voice. I scowled. “The talking voice informed me of your location,” he continued by way of explanation. I crept out of my hiding space.  
“That voice has a name, and I imagine that JARVIS would be offended by your inability to refer to him by it,” I informed him.  
“I apologise,” Thor replied, before proceeding to lapse into silence.  
“Was there a purpose to your locating me, or should I assume you’re only here to be a nuisance?” I wasn’t in the mood to put up with him, and I had wanted nothing more since I had woken up to be buried in the pages of a good book and left alone. 

“Brother…” he began.  
“No,” I snapped. I was particularly uncomfortable with his insistence of referring to me as family. Thor stopped and thought for a moment before changing tact.  
“Reading up on Midgard then?” he asked referring to the book I was still holding. I chose not to entertain the thought of having a conversation, instead insisting that if he wasn’t here with a purpose that he should leave me be. He eventually got the hint and left, leaving me to return to the gap behind the shelves and continue reading. It took very little time to finish reading, and a short while later, I started reading another book of a similar topic, this time about the theory of the devices. 

Just as I had started getting into the more complex theory, JARVIS interrupted, informing me that the Avengers had requested my presence in the dining room. “Do I have a choice?” I asked hoping to return to the book for a short while.  
“I’m afraid not Loki,” he told me. “They’re quite insistent that you head there as soon as possible.” I frowned at that. Why couldn’t they have just let me be?

I followed the route that I took yesterday, arriving to find all of the Avengers, except Hawkeye, sat around the table. “Why don’t you take a seat…” JARVIS suggested after I had spent a few seconds lingering in the doorway. Reluctantly I took a seat. There were a few seconds where the group seemed to just stare at me, expecting me to speak and when I didn’t, opted to say what they summoned me for. “Is there a particular reason that you’ve spent the last few hours in the library?” Stark asked.  
“I was reading,” I replied bluntly.  
“Well… I guess we’ve got a bookworm for a guest,” Stark said as though he didn’t believe me.  
“I’m no worm,” I replied.  
“Oh wait. Sorry. You’re a reindeer. I forgot.”  
“I’ve had quite enough of this nonsense, so if you don’t mind, I’ll be returning to the library…” I made to leave.  
“Brother…” Thor said. At that, I turned back around.  
“I’m not your brother,” I shouted. Before I could hear a response to my outburst, I stepped into the lift and returned to the library. 

Picking up several books from the shelves, I returned to my spot and placed the stack of reading materials next to me. I tried to pick up reading where I had left off but found I couldn’t focus. The reason for my lack of focus was intangible to me at the time, and so I attempted to read a different book in the hope that it would hold my focus. When that book also failed at its purpose and slammed it back on the top of the pile and curled up, hugging my knees and resting my head on top of them in an undignified ball. I don’t know how long I spent like that, but I remained there, completely and utterly miserable for what seemed like an eternity. What I didn’t know, was the cause of this. I knew that it couldn’t have been a result of my exile, as it was a much better outcome than I had expected, which left me with a question that I would only be able to answer with time.


	4. Chapter 4

Eventually, after much prompting from JARVIS, I returned to my assigned room only to curl up on the bed and stare into space. I had no interest in doing anything at all. Time was of no concern to me, but after what seemed like long enough to deem my lack of actions unacceptable, I got up and opened to door to the right. I entered the room, taking the time to carefully close the door behind me.

In front of me was a basin, so I turned on the tap and splashed some water on my face, hoping that the temperature of the water would snap me out of my current state. I had grown tired of the inability to focus. I switched the tap off, and made to leave, but made the mistake of catching sight of my reflection. It wasn’t the first time that I had hated what I saw, however I consider it to be one of the few things that changed my perspective on a matter. I turned to face the looking glass, frowning as I did so. There was no rational reason for me to care at all about my appearance, for it was exactly what I would expect to see. 

Impulsively, I slammed my fist into its surface. Glass flew everywhere, small, glittery shards falling like a lethal rain. A particularly large shard sliced across the back of my hand, the cut oozing scarlet. I didn’t care. Instead of even considering the possible consequences of my actions, I did it again, a spiderweb of cracks spreading across the surface until it was destroyed beyond all measure. “Is everything alright?” JARVIS enquired. I didn’t answer. “I am required by Mr Stark to inform him of any misconducts on your part, and it would be of great use to have an explanation.”  
“I see little use for an explanation,” I informed him bluntly. I sat down on the floor, and a moment later, JARVIS spoke again.

“Mr Stark has asked me to inform you of Thor’s imminent arrival, and to request that you maintain a level of civility for the duration.”  
“I will promise nothing,” I said. No sooner than the exchange had completed, the door flew open.  
“Brother! What has caused you to act this way?” Thor queried, the question echoing loudly around the room. In reality, I had no actual idea, but naturally wanted to leave any other in the dark about the matter.  
“It matters not,” I replied slightly petulantly.   
“Of course, it matters,” Thor replied slightly too quickly. “I have grown concerned, for your actions today are out of character…” he began, but I refused to allow this to continue.  
“And you think you know me?” I questioned. “After a year? After all that time you thought I was dead? You have no idea about what happened in that year…” I paused. “Now you have the audacity to tell me how I should act and who I should be,” I said more quietly, a sinister edge to my voice. 

“Loki…” Thor began.  
“I have no interest in your words. Now leave.” My voice was like ice, and the undercurrent of hostility was apparent. What I didn’t realise at the time, was that this was the first time he didn’t have to be prompted to not refer to me as his brother. 

I stayed there for a while, seated next to the basin, staring at the remains of the looking glass as the pieces caught the light. Knowing that, unless I wanted yet another encounter with the Avengers, I needed to sort out the mess. I open the cupboard in front of me and retrieved from the bottom shelf what I later learned was called a dustpan and brush. Then, I picked up a couple of bandages from the shelf above. After quickly sorting out the cut from earlier, I sorted out the glass on the floor before disposing of it in the bin beneath the basin.

“Mr Stark has asked me to inform you that you should keep your destructive impulses to a minimum for the duration of your stay with the threat of the Hulk should you not comply, despite my assurances that this course of action would not be necessary,” JARVIS informed me. I made a mental note to make sure I was never in the same room as Stark and the creature. “On another note,” JARVIS continued. “If you need to talk to anyone, you’re welcome to talk to me, with a promise that anything you do say will remain confidential unless it should pose a risk to anyone on this planet.”   
“Thank you for your offer,” I replied, knowing that would never take it.

I made my way back into the bedroom and threw myself onto the bed, my gaze once again firmly planted on the ceiling. The door to the bedroom opened quietly, and a short while later closed again. A quick glance in that direction revealed that the visitor had brought in a few books and left them by the door. Who it was and why they did it I will never know. They have my gratitude as those books were my only source of joy over the next few days.


	5. Chapter 5

As time approached the new day, the almost familiar misery crept away until it reached more manageable levels, but still refusing to retreat completely. JARVIS once again provided details about the weather that I couldn’t have less of an interest in. “How are you?” he asked after a slight pause. Obviously, this was not one of the things he had been programmed for. At the time, I was convinced that this was some sort of way for the Avengers to spy on me… not that I’d expected them to trust me. I wouldn’t even trust me. “I believe the Avengers will be needing a new way to spy on me,” I informed him, before eyeing the pile of books that had been left for me.

I spent the next few days reading through each book in that pile, not leaving the rooms I was assigned. There was no reason for me to seek out the Avengers, and they chose not to seek me out. JARVIS must have been informing them that none of my actions were unacceptable. After four days, I had exhausted the pile of books, and the final traces of misery had retreated to wherever they had come from. I spent a couple minutes debating whether or not I could avoid every single Avenger for the duration of a quick trip to the library. Deciding that it was worth the risk, I opened the door to find Stark leaning against the wall outside.

“JARVIS said you were going to the library, so I thought I would wait out here,” he informed me.  
“How thoughtful,” I sarcastically replied. “Now what was it you required?” I questioned.  
“Walk with me?” Stark said and headed towards the elevator without waiting for a response. Seeing as I had most likely no choice in the matter, I followed.  
“So…” he began, almost uncertain about what to say next. “I was talking with your brother yesterday, and…”  
“I have no interest in what he has to say,” I informed him bluntly.  
“But…” he tried to protest.  
“You will not succeed in changing my mind.”

The doors for the lift opened and I immediately made my escape. Stark didn’t even try to follow me. “At least listen to JARVIS!” he shouted after me. I did listen to JARVIS most of the time, but it wasn’t worth informing him of that fact. I threw the door open to the library, wincing slightly as the door collided with a bookshelf as it swung open too far. I was frustrated, to put it simply. I was stuck on Midgard, living with the Avengers, with no magic and a general sense of misery, and almost… wrongness, that had become an almost intermittent friend. It had become a part of me like a shadow. No matter how you feel about it, you can never be rid of it unless you spend the rest of your life in the dark. I couldn’t say I was very keen on that idea.  
“Loki?” JARVIS began. “Would you like me to relay Mr Stark’s message to you now, or later?” Although JARVIS was ever polite, I did not respond in kind.  
“No,” I snapped bluntly.  
“Of course,” JARVIS replied. “Take all the time you need. Just let me know when you’d like me to relay the message.” I frowned at that as it seemed as though he had expected me to change my mind at some point. 

I wondered the shelves once again, the books looking as though they hadn’t seen a single person since I had last visited. Undoubtedly, no one had. “Loki…” JARVIS said uncertainly after a long stretch of silence. “Might I suggest a book?” he questioned.   
“You may,” I replied absentmindedly while skim reading the title of the science shelves. Everything Midgardians knew about space was either completely wrong, or hundreds of years behind the currently accepted theories on Asgard. JARVIS then suggested a book which, after a short time of browsing, I removed from the shelf. The hardback seemed to lack the layer of dust that coated the rest of the books like a light snowfall, which meant that this book was new… which meant that Stark was trying to be clever. “JARVIS?” I queried.  
“Yes Loki,” was the reply.  
“Please inform Stark that his plan wasn’t as clever as he thought it was,” I said. There was a second of silence before JARVIS spoke.  
“Mr Stark said that it wasn’t meant to be clever, and only as an alternative should you refuse to listen to what I had to say,” he informed me.  
“I have already informed Stark that I have no interest in what he and Thor discussed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some reading to do,” I said, returning to the reading spot I had occupied on my last visit.

I opened the front cover slowly and began to read. After about an hour, it started to make sense why exactly Stark and my brother wanted me to read this particular volume. I continued reading until I reached the back cover. Taking care, I placed the book back in its designated shelf space before returning to my room. I threw myself on the bed, allowing myself a few minutes of silent contemplation before allowing myself to make a decision. “JARVIS… Stark was more clever than I gave him credit for.” I paused briefly before voicing my final decision. “I’d like to hear the message,” I said simply. JARVIS then began to speak.


End file.
